What is the best way to talk to a teacher or principal about a concern? Use the following techniques to express your concern: Technique #1: "Your Class, My Child" This is a non-threatening way to approach the teacher when you do not want your child participating in a particular classroom activity. Start your conversation with the teacher by acknowledging-with genuine respect-her authority to teach her subject as she sees fit. This will circumvent the natural defensiveness any teacher is bound to feel when confronted by a disapproving parent. No one likes to be criticized. When you complain about the teacher's selection of materials or teaching methods, she may receive it as nothing more than criticism. By acknowledging her authority, you put her at ease. Follow this with a friendly but firm reminder that though the classroom is hers, the child is yours. You know how you want him to develop, and long after he has graduated from this class you will still be responsible for his academic and moral growth. Therefore, without challenging the teacher's right to teach, you are asking her to provide an alternative educational activity for your child. That does not mean having him sit in the hall while the lesson is taught. An alternative educational activity means he works quietly at his desk on another assignment or goes to the library. If the objectionable activity will only last one day, you may want to give your child an excused absence and plan a fun activity together for that day. If communicated in a friendly manner, most teachers will honor your request. This technique works well when you are trying to have your child "opted out" of a specific lesson or activity. If you want to influence the teacher to change something she is doing with the entire class, you have to persuade her that your concerns are valid enough for her to adopt as well. Technique number two can help you do that. Technique #2: "Help Me Understand" (and I'll Help You Understand) This is another non-threatening approach. Ask the teacher to help you understand the reason behind a method she is using or an activity she is having the class do. As you discuss the issue, you can guide the conversation to address your concerns. You do not need to declare that you are going to help her understand your concern. Instead, simply bring it up by way of exploring her explanation of the issue. (It helps to offer an alternative book or activity idea.) "Help me understand what you are wanting the kids to learn." Use this phrase in a non-threatening way. Affirm what the teacher is trying to do in general. Use the transition: "But have you considered...." There are occasions when talking to the teacher doesn't solve the problem. You should always start with the teacher, but if you are not satisfied with the teacher's response, you should visit the school principal. Technique #3: "I Thought I Should Alert You to a Potentially Embarrassing Situation" (How to talk to a principal or administrator) This is one way to approach your school's principal. She is used to hearing parental complaints. If you approach her as just another complainer, you run the risk of being categorized as a "problem parent." If, however, you come to her as a friend and supporter of the school, someone who is protective of the school's reputation, her response may be quite different. This technique brings to the administrator's awareness something she might not have known was going on. Learning the lines of authority in the school is very important for your child's education. You need to know to whom to go with your concerns. The traditional line of authority begins with your child's teacher. Try your best to find a solution to your concern with the teacher. If you cannot do that, go to the principal. You may also want to bring a friend or your spouse along. You will feel less intimidated, and if you get flustered, your partner can help you express your concern. Avoid the appearance of going over the head of the teacher or the principal. Instead, try asking, "Who else can help us with this issue?" Solicit advice. In extreme cases, you may need to visit the school district superintendent for counsel on how to resolve a problem. © 2002, Gateways to Better Education Questions? If you have a question for Gateways to Better Education, we offer two options: If you have an urgent issue that needs an immediate response, we recommend that you call our Advisory Line at (949) 586-KIDS (5437), Send us an email containing your question.